?????

I had a a short visit with Alison today. She is so happy in her new environment. She has been moved up to the 5th floor Room 536.  A volunteer came by and asked her if she would like a magazine to read. She is definitely being spoiled but apparently the staff have been explaining to her that she will go back to a nursing home soon.  And I think they were pretty honest with her about the realities of a nursing home.  She said she had a good talk with the Irish nurse and although Alison could not recall what she said, she did know that is was good advice and she offered a different perspective about her situation.  Whatever it was, it was comforting to her.

Alison also told me a crazy story about an incident that happened at the hospital the night before.  The man in the room next to her was freaking out, yelling "stop injecting me".  He was screaming so loud and breaking glass.  Alison started screaming for help but no one could hear her because she was behind a window.  But she could see all the staff run past her room with their mouths agape in shock.  The doctors were talking about this man, using his full name.  Alison couldn't believe they were violating HIPPA like that.  It turns out the man jumped out of the sixth floor window.  Alison thinks he must have died.  I was kind of confused because the ER is on the first floor and Alison is on the 5th but I believed her.  She said they checked to make sure there was no broken glass in her room.  So much detail!!!  I'm leaving a lot out I'm sure.

We were talking about how crazy and unbelievable that was and she kept telling me to Google it.  Well,  I did and this did actually happen...in August of 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't know where she got this story.  Maybe someone was talking about it while she was asleep and she incorporated it into her dream, maybe she talks to dead people.  I don't know.  But I do think it is important to note that she thinks she really witnessed this.  Her mind is playing serious tricks on her, making it even harder for us to discern what is real and what is not.  And how do we respond and help her through these things that she thinks she is experiencing?

Alison also told me that they were going to have an occupational therapist come in to assess her swallow ability.  She is dying to eat and drink.  She talks about it a lot now.  I'm not sure if this is true or not.  I do know that they are trying to find a new home for her but her needs, past behavior, and insurance issues will make placement more challenging.

She was so cheery and content.  I love days like this!

Andy visits tomorrow (Thursday) and I'm sure I will stop in at some point.

Transition

Alison was taken to Anne Arundel Medical Center again yesterday for the same thing as last week..saying she doesn't want to live.  She felt better after a while but after several interviews with various staff members, it was determined that Alison needs to find a more suitable placement.  Until they can find a place that can handle her medical and mental needs, she will stay at AAMC. Right now she has a bed in the ER.  It is uncertain where/when she will go.

A Good Snuggle

Today was good. Tank jumped right into bed and snuggled with Alison for an hour and a half and Alison (and Tank) loved it!  

Alison was very mellow today.  She had a few quick moments of the freaking out/help me but was pretty calm the rest of the time.  We called Philip and they talked for about ten minutes.  I told her Andy was coming tomorrow and she was excited for that.  I made her do some "bed yoga".  I put on The Hours again.  She said it was her favorite song and asked how I knew to play that...Groundhog Day:)

When it was time to go, I moved Alison's arm off Tank.  She moved it back, smiled and said, "You know you COULD leave her here all night".  I wish I could. 

Notes From Mary Pat

Mary Pat's notes:
Alison was screaming so loud Mary Pat could hear her at the front desk. Every door in the place was closed in an attempt to keep the noise out.  She seems to be on a loop.  Screaming curse words and help, settling down, sometimes apologizing, and starting up again.  This went on for the entire visit.    When Mary Pat told her to say something else in place of "help me", Alison came up with the words "assist me".  The next time she started her rant she said instead "Assist me, assist me."  She and Mary Pat both laughed because those words just didn't work in that scenario.  She does not scream when she is distracted though.  There is a crossword puzzle in her drawer that Andy brought that is helpful.  She has great movement of her left leg and can move it on command.  Her physical therapy is on hold until the finances/insurance can be sorted out.  This could be months.  All visitors need to get her moving even if it's just a little stretching.


Amy's commentary: This gives me a tiny glimmer of hope though that Alison can control what she is saying/screaming to some extent.  I am concerned about the things that come out of her mouth.  Even if it is like Tourette's and she has no control over it, the staff and residents are hearing this 24/7 and I am worried about the effect it may have as far as their attitude toward Alison.  My heart breaks for Alison but it also breaks for her roommate, Ms. Johnson, who will most likely spend her last days there listening to the loud cursing and racial slurs.  I hope this will pass..and soon.

I'm going over there today and taking one of the little dogs who loves to jump on people's beds and snuggle.  I will take Stella later in the week.  I am also going to start seeing if she can play simple games on my ipad.  If anyone has ANY suggestions about any thing that might be helpful, please post it.  I have no experience with this and am just grabbing at straws.

I'm Home

Went to the hospital to see Alison only to find out she had been discharged...without the hospital notifying anyone!!!  I then headed over to South River to find Alison languishing in her bed like a Renaissance nude. She was so happy and carefree!  "I'm home!", she said and NOT sarcasticly.  I honestly felt like I was in some weird, trippy dream.  It was not what I was expecting but a pleasant surprise to see her free from distress...at least for the first five minutes. 

She said they switched her to Welbutrin and that it was her physical pain that makes her want to die.  She said it had been building up and she couldn't stop herself from crying these past few days. She did start to freak out several times throughout the visit.  I tried to calm and reassure her the best I can.  She was visibly trying to control herself.  She kept begging me to help her. I told her I'm doing all I can by being there and being her friend and advocate but there isn't much else I can do. I continued to remind her that this isn't forever, she's just taking a vacation from her life, take deep breaths through the pain and frustration, visualize white light, pray to god, etc.  So far my brain washing is only mildly and fleetingly effective:)

I asked her if she was ok with being at South River.  She said yes.  I told her she was not bound to this place and if she ever wanted to transfer she just had to let us know. She said that's exactly what they said at the hospital but that this was fine. She just wants to "get out of the pain".

She was yawning and cold. I bundled her up in her blankets and put on The Hours CD.  She recognized it immediately and exclaimed "This is The Hours!", like she had no idea she owns this CD or that I play it for her almost every time I'm there. "This is good" she said as she drifted into sleep. 

Philip was on his way to see her when I left. 

A Sad Turn

After an entire night of begging the staff to kill her, Alison was moved to Anne Arundel Medical Center for a psychological evaluation.  Andy and Mary Pat spent most of the day with her in the ER waiting for test results and answers/plan of action.  None of that ever came.  When I arrived late last night, they asked me to not disturb her as she had just fallen asleep.  The nurse said she had been inconsolable all day.  They will do the psych eval this morning and determine what course needs to be taken..ie meds and possible transfer to a mental hospital.

Reports from Andy and my niece who saw her yesterday lead me to believe that she is cognizant and able to communicate intelligbly.  She is in complete anguish.  I will update later today as soon as I hear anything.

Andy and Mary Pat..thank you!!!!!

:(

Alison was not in good spirits. She told me I was irritating the piss out of her when I was just sitting in silence. She didn't want to get in her chair. I told her she had to, that we had a date to go outside. She said "turtle" (acknowledging that she was clamming up/being defiant).  We went outside and I stretched out her limbs and neck. Her mood did not improve but she did thank me for coming.

She complains of left shoulder, wrist, and side of neck pain. She may have hurt herself falling out of bed.  She has a big knot on her shoulder that could use some attention(..Andy??? If you're planning a visit soon).