From Christina..Last Sunday

Just wanted to let you know that I went to see Alison tonight. The place is definitely depressing, though I don’t know what her old place looked like. Hospitals tend to be much nicer I’m sure. :) It just smells like nursing home and the room itself was small and shabby. She was on the non-window side of the room. Alison was sleeping when I arrived but I decided to wake her up since I’m leaving in the morning, and while she woke up easily, this was by far the most out of it I’ve seen her. She said she knew who I was but called me someone else that I couldn’t understand, and when I told her I was Christina she nodded and said that name again. She finally was able to say Christina and repeated it, and another phrase that I forget, many times. She said she was sorry a few times and started seeming like she was going to cry at points, but then she would almost doze off. She talked about poisoning and tried to say a few other unintelligible things. I don’t know if she was just totally out of it or if she just couldn’t get the words right. When I told her I loved her the first time she did not reply, though the second time she did and then apologized again. It was the first time she didn’t know my name and that we couldn’t get any conversation in. BUT, a very sweet moment was when I realized the baby was hiccuping I put her hand on my belly and told her to feel for it and she repeated wow quite a few times. I hope she did feel it, or at least thought she did. That was the high point by far. 

Anyway, this visit was definitely the hardest. Saying goodbye was difficult not knowing what’s to come, but it also really made me realize that she is gone and I left missing her old self badly. Hopefully she will start recovering now out of the hospital, but this facility did not seem fully conducive for that. Who knows. I don’t want to be a negative nancy, and I’m sure Reenie will make the best decision for her when she comes. It just hit me hard today I guess. 

Love,
Christina