I'm Home

Went to the hospital to see Alison only to find out she had been discharged...without the hospital notifying anyone!!!  I then headed over to South River to find Alison languishing in her bed like a Renaissance nude. She was so happy and carefree!  "I'm home!", she said and NOT sarcasticly.  I honestly felt like I was in some weird, trippy dream.  It was not what I was expecting but a pleasant surprise to see her free from distress...at least for the first five minutes. 

She said they switched her to Welbutrin and that it was her physical pain that makes her want to die.  She said it had been building up and she couldn't stop herself from crying these past few days. She did start to freak out several times throughout the visit.  I tried to calm and reassure her the best I can.  She was visibly trying to control herself.  She kept begging me to help her. I told her I'm doing all I can by being there and being her friend and advocate but there isn't much else I can do. I continued to remind her that this isn't forever, she's just taking a vacation from her life, take deep breaths through the pain and frustration, visualize white light, pray to god, etc.  So far my brain washing is only mildly and fleetingly effective:)

I asked her if she was ok with being at South River.  She said yes.  I told her she was not bound to this place and if she ever wanted to transfer she just had to let us know. She said that's exactly what they said at the hospital but that this was fine. She just wants to "get out of the pain".

She was yawning and cold. I bundled her up in her blankets and put on The Hours CD.  She recognized it immediately and exclaimed "This is The Hours!", like she had no idea she owns this CD or that I play it for her almost every time I'm there. "This is good" she said as she drifted into sleep. 

Philip was on his way to see her when I left.